life in 2013

It's kind of long but here it is:

The whole world seems melt away when I close my eyes and picture it. Every time I remember about this whole year (2013), the space where my heart once twists causing me excruciating pain.

I am feeling the time flies. Recalling about the past one year,  so many thoughts are flooding in my mind. At this time, I just can’t tell my real idea. The memory is just like so fresh, and all the things happened yesterday!

A lot of things have happened in 2013. I have began my first year of collage on July (Lucky). So far it has been a long year, full of many adventures, experienced many things, meet a lot of new friends, bad people and awesome people too. Fake friends! But today I have “friends”. Way more than I've ever had before, except they’re not really my friends. They don’t really even want to be my friend. They just want something from me. Actually, to be more accurate, they want something from me, not just friend. Wait, lots fake friends before I start my collage life. Not my high school friends, my high school friends are awesome! Just somewhere out there ( Since I gradated my high school in December, I have long holiday. So, I'm try to make new friend).

I like to make a lot of friends, since I'm really friendly person but I'm a shy person. I do have a lot of friend before, but not as much as now (lack of confidences). In those days I didn't make friends easily  in fact I still don’t , maybe. Partly because I don’t think I'm very likeable before, but that’s another story.

Some will even appear to be a true friend but when push comes to shove they behave anything like it, you realise that all their “friends” are of a similar ilk with an audience or perceived influence which will be naturally beneficial to that person and their agenda.  If I sound cynical, it’s because I am. I've experienced way too much of this over the past few years and been burned by it too and I can smell it a mile off now, even when the approach is under-the-radar smarts.

On the flip side, I have equally experienced what it’s like to meet and make some true friends. The kind who will always have your back, who will always think the best of you and who are there, no matter what, whether you have anything to give back or not. Those are my true friends. You know who you are. What you want, my friend, is worlds away from wanting to be my friend because you want to get to know me better because I'm me or because you feel any sort of affection for me. You want something from me. And that is actually ok. Ask away. I have no problem with the concept of that…of helping you out.
I still vividly remember my first day in college. I was so excited in meeting new people. It was a bit difficult at first to be with people I never knew. I didn't know how I should behave just to fit in. But eventually, everything went smoothly and we get along soo fast. My old friends, don't  even know me, since I look different now. I met wonderful friends whom are still my best buddies even until now. Every time we would meet up, we will never fail to recall how we were back in college. In two days, I'm going back to collage . I'm so excited to meet them!

My collage life is way to exciting. I learn new things, lots of experience and extremely challenging. I never regret my choice. Maybe it's so tiring, but people you meet and  people around you that always there for you and you enjoy your time. Going home late, over time work and all these hard work, it's just paid off.  I was blessed that I have these opportunity to experience life here as one of hospitality student. Like serving Royals VVIP and become Majesty's VVIP guests butler, as a junior (2 months in collage). Maybe this year we don't have chances to cook at the kitchen, since we are still juniors. I got amazing friends in palace and friends from Malaysian students. They are so caring at me and extremely nice person. They helped me a lot and I got so many nick name there, "Beautiful, gorgeous, cute, panda and sweet girl" They treated me so nice, maybe there's few people are bad? yeah.

These year I will never forget, gathered my middle school friends ( 4-6 years ago) that we haven't meet for ages and my wonderful high school friends also came to my house for special event. Surprisingly, lots of them were visiting me. I'm so happy!!!! And lots of celebration with my collages, my lectures and festival... we never cheap with foods (Always great foods, lots of foods and of cause have fun!)

My life is far from perfect,  I have been through a lot... lots of feeling and thinking this year. Well so many things going on this year.

Finally, I have no idea if I should share this too, but this is part of my life in 2013. So I just write these as memories, I guess. Well, I meet a guy in May. He is really a very kind, caring and sweet person. he supports me a lot in everything I do. He used to calls me every night. He lives far away from me so we didn't see each other very often but when we did Skype, I just always felt so comfortable around him. I could tell him anything and I trusted him more than anyone. Whenever I was with him I was happy. Whenever I would wake up and see that I had a message from him just to say Good morning with smiley face or I love you and I'm home. But everything has change....

After a while, the distance became a hassle and we weren't text and he didn't call me that often like we used to. I have been noticed there is something wrong. Maybe we broke up few weeks ago, but I don't know since he didn't replied me, it was even harder that way. He left me hanging here. So, I know that means "yes". I won't wait anymore. When someone wants to leave, I will let it go. I don't want to hold back someone who's feelings aren't the same anymore. Even, we made a lot of promise and dream. I will be happy if he found someone who make him smile and laugh. It's worth it if he's happy that way. Even, he want to disappeared without saying goodbye. I just want to say thank you to him, that he let me experience these feelings too.